Dear Riff. Dear Rindo,

I see so much of myself in you. I don’t know if that’s a good way to start a letter, or not, but it’s what I’ve got, and what I’ve wanted to tell you all along. Not just Kynan - you do remind me of him, a little, but it’s watching you struggle over the weeks that I understand why you and I both fell into Marine.

It’s hard to face oblivion, isn’t it? It’s fucking terrifying. Feels like it follows you all over the place, dogging at your heels. Even when you’re not thinking about it, you’re still thinking about it. About how fucking lonely it could be.

I don’t know - I didn’t tell you as much about my position as I could have. I’m not dead, in that sense of the word. I am, but I'm not. Somewhere stuck in between. And the thing that scared me about it the most was how far I’d be from the people I loved. How fucking lonely I’d be. Your struggles with what awaits you are ones I’m all too familiar with, and ones I wouldn’t wish on anyone, let alone someone like you.

I know it’s so fucking hard to take those first steps into something you know is going to be horrible. And it’s never not going to be difficult, but I more than anything else hope that there’s a light waiting for you. Even if it’s small, if there’s a pinprick of light and hope, I want you to take it and fucking run for it, no matter what it is. You’ve done so much moving forward. Don’t stop now. Even if every step of it is hard, don’t stop.

Especially because you aren’t alone. We’ll still be here - I’ll still be here. I told you, I’ve got a special condition or two that might let me come to you, might let me find whatever fuck put you into that situation and wring their neck, remind them why you should never mess with death. I can’t solve your problem, and I can’t bring back what you lost, but if I can help you find closure, then I’ll do it a hundred times.

I’m thankful that I got to meet you. I said half as a joke that you’re like my family, but really, that’s something I don’t joke about. You are. Like a little brother I’ve never had - you matter to me. Every conversation we’ve had has mattered. Every time you picked on me for no reason, every time I picked on you. Every marathon of weird games and your shows and laying around in your home doing nothing mattered. I count every single one of those experiences as something I’ve been lucky to have.

I apologized for breaking your trust that first week, but I’ll apologize again, here. I’m sorry. Thank you, for finding it in your heart to forgive me. For opening up to me. You didn’t have to do that, and you did. I treasure you, Rindo. I love you, I treasure you, and I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to be there when you need me. (And maybe sometimes when you don’t. I’ll reach out when I can. Can’t promise I won’t be annoying.)

I don’t have to remind you that time is short. You know that better than anyone, so I won’t.

Instead, I’ll say this - I’m better for having met you.

I’ll see you again, soon.
Vax’ildan.