this is not an unusual situation. this isn't even the first time they've had this conversation, or one similar to it. don't trust me. he'd said, then - i don't, and percy had been glad for that answer, and vax could tell. talking to him like this makes his hackles rise, makes something twist in his gut close to anxiety.
he lets percy manhandle him, lets him pull his hand to his neck, and just stares at him, expression unreadable for a moment as ten different emotions flicker across his eyes, from under his furrowed brow. he thinks, it won't, i won't let it, stubbornly, but -
he does know, pragmatically, that this was where this was going to end up. that this is what he would ask of vax, someone who is more well versed than life and death in anyone, someone who does, get to choose sometimes, when people have to die. someone who has looked percy in the eyes when orthax took him over, who was there when they resurrected him and keyleth ripped the demon's soul from the gun.
( he remembers, with stunning, horrifying clarity, the sound of a gunshot, and a body hitting the floor, seconds before his last breath left his lungs. the look on percy's face. terror. horror. you failed him and he killed himself.)
vax is silent for a long, long moment. ]
Percival. [ he starts, that same, intense tone; vax's fingers flex, at the base of his neck. the pause continues, searching percy's face.
he spits it out. ] Fine.
[ the tone says it all. he hates it, but he would.
vax's hand twists under percy's, and he turns it to press against the crook of his shoulder and his neck, instead, and squeezes. ] If. If, and that's a big fucking if.
Alright? Just -
[ i have to protect you.
his penchant for forgiveness with his sister's welfare, after all, is just as thin, and vax loves percy like a brother, but his heart beats for his sister, and when they return, percival is all she has left. ]
-- just remember, you're not alone. If you start falling that way, you have to let me in.
[ there's so much that goes unsaid here, but for now, the both of them will have to sort it out like this - through subtext, through a lack of conflict, through an intense conversation like this. ]
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this is not an unusual situation. this isn't even the first time they've had this conversation, or one similar to it. don't trust me. he'd said, then - i don't, and percy had been glad for that answer, and vax could tell. talking to him like this makes his hackles rise, makes something twist in his gut close to anxiety.
he lets percy manhandle him, lets him pull his hand to his neck, and just stares at him, expression unreadable for a moment as ten different emotions flicker across his eyes, from under his furrowed brow. he thinks, it won't, i won't let it, stubbornly, but -
he does know, pragmatically, that this was where this was going to end up. that this is what he would ask of vax, someone who is more well versed than life and death in anyone, someone who does, get to choose sometimes, when people have to die. someone who has looked percy in the eyes when orthax took him over, who was there when they resurrected him and keyleth ripped the demon's soul from the gun.
( he remembers, with stunning, horrifying clarity, the sound of a gunshot, and a body hitting the floor, seconds before his last breath left his lungs. the look on percy's face. terror. horror. you failed him and he killed himself.)
vax is silent for a long, long moment. ]
Percival. [ he starts, that same, intense tone; vax's fingers flex, at the base of his neck. the pause continues, searching percy's face.
he spits it out. ] Fine.
[ the tone says it all. he hates it, but he would.
vax's hand twists under percy's, and he turns it to press against the crook of his shoulder and his neck, instead, and squeezes. ] If. If, and that's a big fucking if.
Alright? Just -
[ i have to protect you.
his penchant for forgiveness with his sister's welfare, after all, is just as thin, and vax loves percy like a brother, but his heart beats for his sister, and when they return, percival is all she has left. ]
-- just remember, you're not alone. If you start falling that way, you have to let me in.
[ there's so much that goes unsaid here, but for now, the both of them will have to sort it out like this - through subtext, through a lack of conflict, through an intense conversation like this. ]