[ it sits heavy around his neck, that skull, it takes a familiar place there now at the center of his chest, and for a moment, percy can't breathe. he looks at vax, and he'll see it in his eyes—it's a flash of rage (unwilling to cope) then a flash of coldness (assessment) and then he's percival again (but you can call him percy) and he's digging his fingers into his clothing, he's knocking their foreheads together hard, and he's letting the tears fall where they may between the both of them.
his mouth trembles. ]
I know. I know it's not—this? This is wrong Vax... all of it is wrong.
[ softly, wearily, he grits his teeth and his voice whispers out ] I know you, I know you'll try something stupid anyways. And I hate that... I hate that, please...
[ his voice wavers, suddenly sharp like shards of shattered stone ]
... Please don't...
[ softer ] I want to be remembered for who I was and not what I became...
[ it is wrong. watching percy like this is awful - seeing him struggle like he did over orthax all of those years ago makes vax want to scream, want to take this prism and wring it through his bare hands, wants to shake percy until this fucking thing comes out of him. this is wrong, percy says.
yeah, of course it fucking is.
as percy bonks his forehead into his hard, he grabs the back of his neck again. the chain of the necklace he was wearing touches his fingertips, and he holds onto it until the metal digs into his skin, like a reminder.
it always comes back to this, doesn't it? "i want to be remembered." it was like that with buzen. vin, even - sometimes you shouldn't have to just remember someone. ]
You will. [ it's quiet and so fierce, as vax lets percy hold onto him, lets his nails dig crescents into his feathers and his armor, pulls back just enough to look at him with all of his usual intensity, with the words between them that always seem to go unsaid. ]
[ something tumbles out, though. vax, always, heart too big for his mouth. ] I'm going to see you marry my sister, you bastard. We're going to kill Raishaun, and Thordak, and we're going to save Tal'dorei a hundred times over. [ i can't tell you my future, vax had said, but right now, it feels like a necessity. ] We're going to fucking kill a god, Percival. Okay? We're getting out of here.
[ he meets his gaze as he speaks, and with each declaration, percy finds himself closing his eyes, lulled by declarations of war against dragons, against gods, all for tal'dorei. he thinks of every place they've already set foot—every city, every plane of existence. his body grows still, a quiet calm.
vax'ildan doesn't need his sister to take the mask off right now.
he's done it himself. every line smoothed from his face for a long, placid moment. there's peace here, in this dark, crumbling place, a perfect prison for him. time doesn't feel real here, everything is liminal and still, and he only has his thoughts.
his hands lift and he finds himself holding vax's face, thumbs presses against his cheeks(face) ]
[ softly: ] I don't know what will happen when I die. But I have no fear for it. All I know for certain is that [ and... he smiles. truly. ] We're Vox Machina... of course we're getting out of here.
he seems calmer, at least. vax isn't that good at this - he never has been that good at comforting, or even really talking to percy. their similarities meant that they clashed, butted heads, as percy shattered vax's tentative trust and they had to rebuild the pieces. but, even if he's not great at it, he's always kept going, and he takes the placid moment for what it is.
he lets percy hold his face. he's not afraid.
and when he looks at him, and percy smiles, he does too - and for the first time since the trial, his eyes well up, but these tears are just a little less grief, a little less anger. of course we're getting out of here. ]
I fucking love you. You know that? I do. [ because he might as well say it. vax isn't shy with these admissions - he never has been, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. ]
[ the words don't feel real, but do they ever feel real?
his thumb traces a tear that tries to track its way down from vax's eye, smoothes it back as he searches his face for the words, as if he's dropped them and they've shattered into thousands of pieces. but then... well.
he leans forward, a breath away. when he swallows again, it's audible, the working of his jaw a soft click. ]
I love you too... you're insufferable. And you're too much like me in so many ways that I wish we weren't. [ he kisses him. right there. it's quiet, soft, and he holds it for all of three heartbeats' length. ]
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no subject
his mouth trembles. ]
I know. I know it's not—this? This is wrong Vax... all of it is wrong.
[ softly, wearily, he grits his teeth and his voice whispers out ] I know you, I know you'll try something stupid anyways. And I hate that... I hate that, please...
[ his voice wavers, suddenly sharp like shards of shattered stone ]
... Please don't...
[ softer ] I want to be remembered for who I was and not what I became...
[ barely there: ] I want to see you again.
no subject
yeah, of course it fucking is.
as percy bonks his forehead into his hard, he grabs the back of his neck again. the chain of the necklace he was wearing touches his fingertips, and he holds onto it until the metal digs into his skin, like a reminder.
it always comes back to this, doesn't it? "i want to be remembered." it was like that with buzen. vin, even - sometimes you shouldn't have to just remember someone. ]
You will. [ it's quiet and so fierce, as vax lets percy hold onto him, lets his nails dig crescents into his feathers and his armor, pulls back just enough to look at him with all of his usual intensity, with the words between them that always seem to go unsaid. ]
[ something tumbles out, though. vax, always, heart too big for his mouth. ] I'm going to see you marry my sister, you bastard. We're going to kill Raishaun, and Thordak, and we're going to save Tal'dorei a hundred times over. [ i can't tell you my future, vax had said, but right now, it feels like a necessity. ] We're going to fucking kill a god, Percival. Okay? We're getting out of here.
no subject
vax'ildan doesn't need his sister to take the mask off right now.
he's done it himself. every line smoothed from his face for a long, placid moment. there's peace here, in this dark, crumbling place, a perfect prison for him. time doesn't feel real here, everything is liminal and still, and he only has his thoughts.
his hands lift and he finds himself holding vax's face, thumbs presses against his cheeks(face) ]
[ softly: ] I don't know what will happen when I die. But I have no fear for it. All I know for certain is that [ and... he smiles. truly. ] We're Vox Machina... of course we're getting out of here.
no subject
he seems calmer, at least. vax isn't that good at this - he never has been that good at comforting, or even really talking to percy. their similarities meant that they clashed, butted heads, as percy shattered vax's tentative trust and they had to rebuild the pieces. but, even if he's not great at it, he's always kept going, and he takes the placid moment for what it is.
he lets percy hold his face. he's not afraid.
and when he looks at him, and percy smiles, he does too - and for the first time since the trial, his eyes well up, but these tears are just a little less grief, a little less anger. of course we're getting out of here. ]
I fucking love you. You know that? I do. [ because he might as well say it. vax isn't shy with these admissions - he never has been, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. ]
no subject
his thumb traces a tear that tries to track its way down from vax's eye, smoothes it back as he searches his face for the words, as if he's dropped them and they've shattered into thousands of pieces. but then... well.
he leans forward, a breath away. when he swallows again, it's audible, the working of his jaw a soft click. ]
I love you too... you're insufferable. And you're too much like me in so many ways that I wish we weren't. [ he kisses him. right there. it's quiet, soft, and he holds it for all of three heartbeats' length. ]