[the enormity of it strikes him, in the experience, and-- there is much to this that he understands, by his very nature. by both what and who he is, by the duty he performs, overseeing the flow of life throughout the world and the necessity of death. he knows well how fragile the time before entering the sea may be, too, and while he has never been mortal, never experienced mortality...
he can begin to imagine how much it must seem. emet-selch knows how most have reacted, to his explanations, how alien it is to all of them. but-]
...you understand its nature, then. Better than any other here.
[he says, quietly. placing a hand on vax's arm in return, just as he had done for emet-selch.]
[ vax exhales slowly as it passes. if he stays still, it feels like he can still feel the blood clinging to his clothing, can still feel the raven queen's cold lips against his forehead - welcoming, belonging, home. being suddenly told that you have a purpose when you've spent your whole life desperately seeking one was - it was a lot.
this is a memory that changed vax's life.
it feels oddly appropriate, to have shared it here. when emet says you understand its nature, he huffs a little, reaching up to rub his hand against his heart, absently. the other arm stays still though, and he ducks his head, then tilts it a bit to offer emet just a quirk of a smile. ]
...Told you.
[ they had a lot in common, after all.
it still sends a chill down his spine, but - the feeling of spending time with the raven queen hsa become so much more than a terrifying bath in a pool of blood and the precipice of fate. it's still a lot, even now, but to be the paladin of the raven queen, to be her champion - it is a position he calls his own. ]
'ssat right? She's pretty big. [ a little bit of teasing, there, something lighter. ]
[ heh. vax doesn't seem to mind that comparison - he just laughs, jostling a little into his side since he's still around. ]
Doesn't have to be that grim all the time. Might do you some good to loosen up a little. [ this is equally teasing, though, more seriously; ] 's like I said. I'm learning, still, but - death's death. It's a part of life.
[ it's part of why the thursday murders have effected him, but not so much that he's been distraught. it's really the cruelty of the sundays that have struck home. (maybe. emet's astute; vax's heart is soft, and he cares enough for others that sometimes its hard to remember the principles of his raven queen.)
though, as emet continues, vax tilts his head, trying to decide what he's referring to, and eventually touches on the raven queen's description of him. it makes him smile a little further, eyes crinkling. ]
Can't say I've always been a careful guy. She got me there. [ never. he has literally never been careful in his entire life. as evidenced by literally every decision vax makes, ever. ] But someone has to be risky. Stay still all your life, what does it get you?
[ugh, don't jostle him-- he just nudges vax right back. take that. :T]
What it gets you is an untimely death, most likely.
[huffs... but he's settling somewhat comfortably, by now.]
You and Azem would certainly understand each other. They heard of a volcano about to erupt, once, and leapt into it in their efforts to stop it-- used the concept of a spirit of fire and applied the ambient fiery aether to create it, thus draining the eruption of its energy. Had there been any flaw to their work, however, they would have found themselves deeply in trouble.
...it feels as if it is the sort of thing you might do.
godddds he's just thrown his head back and laughed, so, he has to wipe a fake tear from his eyes afterwards, delighted. ]
Small mercies. [ hooo. ] Think the time I transported inside of a dragon's stomach to try and punch a hole in it with an immovable rod shrunk down to half my size with my gnome friend might have the volcano beat, honestly.
[ he also will not dunk on his raven mom's assessment: "honey you're so stupid but you're so brave but you're so stupid" of him either bc it was right ]
[ unbelievable. he lolls his head back to grin at emet, confident, a little mischievous - aware, of his ridiculous fucking danger senses or lack thereof. ] Lived through a lot of stupid decisions and came out swinging.
[ not all of them - there were two in particular, a kraken and a disintegrate - the first saved by pike, and the second, by the raven queen herself. but otherwise? vax has dodged death with all of the graceful, nimble leaps you'd expect. ]
Stars only know how, if this serves as an example of what you consider to be a good idea.
[uGH. that stupid grin feels familiar, too, and he reaches down to brush a stray lock of hair from vax's face without entirely realizing the impulse is even there.
vax is used to having affectionate friends, honestly - he's used to people like gilmore, like pike, people who will reach out and touch with little worry or fear. vax isn't really all that different, so, maybe lucky for emet that he just lets it happen without any trouble, still grinning up at him, though it softens a little. ]
She'd say fate. [ the raven queen, anyway, the one who walks on the edge of fire. ] I'd say probably I'm just not afraid of much. [ ... ] Wouldn't go so far as to say they're good ideas, though.
[he lets his hand drop, clearing his throat quietly. it's fine. zero amount of flustered here, absolutely. do not worry about it.]
As you should. They aren't.
[a little eyeroll there, and i never established if he was sitting or not-- he is now, just sinking into the couch a little more. slightly more relaxed.]
Do you intend to simply rely on fate in all things, then? To do whatever comes to mind and hope it works, in the end?
relaxing is good! be relaxed. vax considers the question, for a moment, tilting his head thoughtfully. ]
It's worked for me so far, but I was doing that long before I knew it was fate. [ heh. ] Don't feel like I need to control anything before I go jumping in, before you ask.
Not like you do. [ these silly crystallines. he tilts his head after a moment, though, as if thinking it over. ]
... You know? Don't think I could imagine you doing that, either. [ it's an honest assessment, though one that's a little fond, amused with it. you control freak (affectionate). ] But, if you ever feel like diving into a volcano, you know who to call up, yeah? Do a little dance with death, instead of reading it a book.
You kidding? I wouldn't think you'd carry that giant thing if you didn't know how to swing it.
[ it might be fun to spar with him sometime, honestly. like grog - but way, way smarter. he makes a note to bring it up later, leaning forward a little to grin at him.
though, actually... ] Y'know - holding that seat. Is it just named after you? Or is that your title?
It is both. As a sign of our dedication to our duty, we take our title as our name, and most address as such. I occupy the Third Seat, the Architect, Emet-Selch... and so that is who I am.
[a pause, there, as he lingers on that answer.]
But we do not eliminate our given names entirely. There are those who do still use it, in private, for unofficial matters.
[he's quiet for a few moments yet, debating. it's common knowledge, in his home, that the convocation once had others names-- sharing the fact that it's his title is normal enough. sharing his true name is another matter.
he almost wasn't expecting it, so the name's a pleasant surprise. vax can't help it - the smile on his face is genuine. ]
... Hades.
[ ... ] ...'s a pretty fucking badass name, Hades. You wanna be called that like this? [ with a gesture at the apartment at large - in private. ~*alone*~ ]
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he can begin to imagine how much it must seem. emet-selch knows how most have reacted, to his explanations, how alien it is to all of them. but-]
...you understand its nature, then. Better than any other here.
[he says, quietly. placing a hand on vax's arm in return, just as he had done for emet-selch.]
She would not be out of place among my kind.
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this is a memory that changed vax's life.
it feels oddly appropriate, to have shared it here. when emet says you understand its nature, he huffs a little, reaching up to rub his hand against his heart, absently. the other arm stays still though, and he ducks his head, then tilts it a bit to offer emet just a quirk of a smile. ]
...Told you.
[ they had a lot in common, after all.
it still sends a chill down his spine, but - the feeling of spending time with the raven queen hsa become so much more than a terrifying bath in a pool of blood and the precipice of fate. it's still a lot, even now, but to be the paladin of the raven queen, to be her champion - it is a position he calls his own. ]
'ssat right? She's pretty big. [ a little bit of teasing, there, something lighter. ]
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I expect most would not think it of you, to see how you behave.
[just a little tease in turn.]
But what she said of you-- I can see that. Frustrating as such tendencies may be, I suppose it suits you well.
[wantonly throwing your life before the flames, only to pull away in those last moments. it's so, so familiar.]
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Doesn't have to be that grim all the time. Might do you some good to loosen up a little. [ this is equally teasing, though, more seriously; ] 's like I said. I'm learning, still, but - death's death. It's a part of life.
[ it's part of why the thursday murders have effected him, but not so much that he's been distraught. it's really the cruelty of the sundays that have struck home. (maybe. emet's astute; vax's heart is soft, and he cares enough for others that sometimes its hard to remember the principles of his raven queen.)
though, as emet continues, vax tilts his head, trying to decide what he's referring to, and eventually touches on the raven queen's description of him. it makes him smile a little further, eyes crinkling. ]
Can't say I've always been a careful guy. She got me there. [ never. he has literally never been careful in his entire life. as evidenced by literally every decision vax makes, ever. ] But someone has to be risky. Stay still all your life, what does it get you?
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What it gets you is an untimely death, most likely.
[huffs... but he's settling somewhat comfortably, by now.]
You and Azem would certainly understand each other. They heard of a volcano about to erupt, once, and leapt into it in their efforts to stop it-- used the concept of a spirit of fire and applied the ambient fiery aether to create it, thus draining the eruption of its energy. Had there been any flaw to their work, however, they would have found themselves deeply in trouble.
...it feels as if it is the sort of thing you might do.
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Well.
I've leapt into a volcano before, so....
1/2
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[he says, a hand over his face.
but he sounds like he might be laughing in disbelief.]
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LOOK
HE'S DONE SOME WILD SHIT ]
I didn't do it alone, at least!
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[still! fuck! why does he keep ending up gravitating to people who are like this!]
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godddds he's just thrown his head back and laughed, so, he has to wipe a fake tear from his eyes afterwards, delighted. ]
Small mercies. [ hooo. ] Think the time I transported inside of a dragon's stomach to try and punch a hole in it with an immovable rod shrunk down to half my size with my gnome friend might have the volcano beat, honestly.
[ he also will not dunk on his raven mom's assessment: "honey you're so stupid but you're so brave but you're so stupid" of him either bc it was right ]
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[VAX'ILDAN, WHAT THE FUCK.
but it's not like, serious. mildly scandalized, but still with that hint of something lighter.]
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[ unbelievable. he lolls his head back to grin at emet, confident, a little mischievous - aware, of his ridiculous fucking danger senses or lack thereof. ] Lived through a lot of stupid decisions and came out swinging.
[ not all of them - there were two in particular, a kraken and a disintegrate - the first saved by pike, and the second, by the raven queen herself. but otherwise? vax has dodged death with all of the graceful, nimble leaps you'd expect. ]
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[uGH. that stupid grin feels familiar, too, and he reaches down to brush a stray lock of hair from vax's face without entirely realizing the impulse is even there.
then pauses.
oh. oops.]
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vax is used to having affectionate friends, honestly - he's used to people like gilmore, like pike, people who will reach out and touch with little worry or fear. vax isn't really all that different, so, maybe lucky for emet that he just lets it happen without any trouble, still grinning up at him, though it softens a little. ]
She'd say fate. [ the raven queen, anyway, the one who walks on the edge of fire. ] I'd say probably I'm just not afraid of much. [ ... ] Wouldn't go so far as to say they're good ideas, though.
[ yeah, ]
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As you should. They aren't.
[a little eyeroll there, and i never established if he was sitting or not-- he is now, just sinking into the couch a little more. slightly more relaxed.]
Do you intend to simply rely on fate in all things, then? To do whatever comes to mind and hope it works, in the end?
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relaxing is good! be relaxed. vax considers the question, for a moment, tilting his head thoughtfully. ]
It's worked for me so far, but I was doing that long before I knew it was fate. [ heh. ] Don't feel like I need to control anything before I go jumping in, before you ask.
[ ok that's definitely teasing. little shit. ]
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[that's a little more like his usual self, the grumpier banter.]
...nor do I believe I could ever truly operate with such a lack of restraint, myself.
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Not like you do. [ these silly crystallines. he tilts his head after a moment, though, as if thinking it over. ]
... You know? Don't think I could imagine you doing that, either. [ it's an honest assessment, though one that's a little fond, amused with it. you control freak (affectionate). ] But, if you ever feel like diving into a volcano, you know who to call up, yeah? Do a little dance with death, instead of reading it a book.
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[honestly! his arms fold, there, as he leans back into the couch.]
I have traveled much of our world, often when Azem called upon me to do so-- when they got themselves in over their head, in their endless travels.
[they run in, and he's there when they need him to pull them back out, to help them handle what they cannot on their own.]
...less often, now that I hold the seat of Emet-Selch. But I do know more than you may think, else I would not have any skill with the blade.
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[ it might be fun to spar with him sometime, honestly. like grog - but way, way smarter. he makes a note to bring it up later, leaning forward a little to grin at him.
though, actually... ] Y'know - holding that seat. Is it just named after you? Or is that your title?
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[a pause, there, as he lingers on that answer.]
But we do not eliminate our given names entirely. There are those who do still use it, in private, for unofficial matters.
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well... vax tilts his head, scooching a little closer on the couch when he lingers. ]
... What is it, then? [ it's not hesitant, really, but... he thinks the permission is there. so why not? ] Your given name.
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but, after deliberation:]
Hades.
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he almost wasn't expecting it, so the name's a pleasant surprise. vax can't help it - the smile on his face is genuine. ]
... Hades.
[ ... ] ...'s a pretty fucking badass name, Hades. You wanna be called that like this? [ with a gesture at the apartment at large - in private. ~*alone*~ ]
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