Even so, if he could not accomplish it alone, this does not mean naught can be done now. If we can manage to escape this place then mayhap we can do more.
[or, at least, he wants to think so. he doesn't want to consider bass, who he's grown this close to, returning home to erasure after everything.]
What do you mean, you can't-- this cannot be right!
[whatever caused this, however it happened-- it's not right. he doesn't know why he's so certain a soul should remain intact, but it should, he knows it.]
[ that's what it means to be the champion of the raven queen. fate can be bent, but it cannot be broken. rindo's attempts to change it might have just been what did it in - one too many times tugging at the strings. those who pridefully cast off destiny must be punished. fate has a way of doing that, cruel as it is.
no matter how much he wants to change it. (like sometimes, how he'd like to run from his own death, still, run back to vox machina, to keyleth, to - to someone, someone important) - no matter how much he'd like to throw it out and do it again, no matter how much he wants to grab bass and riff both and rescue them from the hellscape of their lives, or deaths - ]
From what I know of that Game that they've been forced to play - maybe, maybe, there's something there. Above their heads. But that's it.
[ so maybe that's something. but it's not his world, and, frankly, he doesn't know how the raven queen would feel about intervening on an entire other universe.
...
his voice softens a little. there's hurt, there. ]. ...If something changes there, that has to be - that has to be Riff's choice. Rindo's. Not ours. To intervene would be going against everything She asks of me - and trying to mess with it might be what made it worse in the first place.
What, so he must simply be left to find it alone-- what manner of fate does this to a person, Vax? Removes them completely? Death, I can accept, but what about this sounds as if it is truly meant to happen? How in the world can you just stand aside and send them back to whatever may have gone wrong-
[he pushes himself up off the bed, with a frustrated huff.]
They were brought here. Pulled out of that world for a time, away from that situation. Who is to say that, if a way may be found here-- that they were not destined to find help to fix it? If it should turn out that a way exists, then to be somewhere it is possible... surely that would mean something, surely it will merely prove an impossibility otherwise.
[ there's frustration there, too. but it's not like things like that don't exist, in his realm. modify memory. disintegrate. plenty of ways to erase a person's existence, if thats' what you wanted to do. if you tried hard enough. plenty of ways to stop their soul from moving on.
...
that's part of what he deals in, too, but... vax is still to knew to know what her guidance would be. what he feels intuitively and what he's been told, over the years that he's been connected to the raven queen by that golden thread, it doesn't feel right. ]
Do you think I fucking want to just leave it? Of course I don't. [ he cares so much about those two, after all. has taken them both under his wing just as much as emet has. ] That doesn't mean that we can just make choices for them - that we can fuck with something like that. Riff has to decide if that's what he wants. Bass has to decide. We can't just intervene like it's our realm - yours or mine. Death in my world works different than yours. It might be different in theirs, too.
That kind of thinking's a bad path, Hades. You told me that yourself. [ weeks and weeks ago. he can remember - the memory they shared with perfect clarity, the time traveling stranger bearing his friend's soul, and the inevitability that they carried. ]
... regardless, of course they ought not be excluded from this. I've already told them both I intend to seek a way, but should one be found, then-- if they were to reject it....
[he exhales, slowly.]
It is their life. Their home. I would not force it on them then.
he - doesn't say anything about it, tensing a little further and shutting his mouth, but, lets emet finish.
... and slowly, towards the end, vax exhales, some of that tension loosening. ]
... Alright. [ that, that he can agree to. for now, at least, that's okay.
(truthfully, vax doesn't think there will be a way. and when things get back to normal, if they find one - it's going to be one he'll have to intervene to stop. no matter who it is, or what it is, because death just doesn't discriminate. it doesn't pick and choose based on how loved you are. most places aren't so utopian like emet's homeland; vax doubts that riff and bass's world is any different.)
vaxildan reaches up, scrubbing a hand over his face, and then drags it back down, leaning back and letting his head thunk against the wall. ] Shite. Don't just go running off headfirst into trouble. That's supposed to be my thing.
he thinks for a minute that this is the real difference between people like himself and people like percy and emet - that they plan their rushing in instead of just doing it, but does not say that out loud.
instead, he just huffs a little, pushing off of the wall and coming back over towards him. ]
I know, I know. [ it's just... hard, not to get his hackles up, in a situation like that. vax can't condone it, really, but... he won't be the one to stop it, either. not until he gets back, until he gets into communion with the raven queen again - she might not even care, because it's in a different realm, she might not even stop him, if he wanted to help.
... that's something to think about later, for now. vax shakes his head, dropping back down to sit. ] That love of yours. 's what it is.
[he flusters slightly, at first, because as far as he is aware in this moment vax is calling him out on this out of almost nowhere? someone said something like this before, maybe, but who--
...emet-selch opts not to dwell on it.]
I-- I suppose that may have something to do with it, yes, we needn't dwell on it.
[stop calling him out stoppp it's like dealing with a fucking verdant]
[ glad we both forgot our most important people from home love that for us
the stutter of that is kind of cute. it pulls a smile to vax's face unbidden; he hums and leans over, pressing a fingertip against his chest over his heart. ]
Think that has everything to do with it. [ he's already on a roll here, so; ] I do like that big sexy brain of yours, but I love this more. [ with a little poke at his heart again. hehe. ]
Edited (words not strong enough to kill emet with ) 2022-04-07 04:37 (UTC)
already he'd decided to go as far as he could this week. he'd decided to at least try to listen to bass's words from before, that had led him to agreeing to all of this in the first place. started him on this path.]
You've even more capacity for it than I, you realize, in that heart of yours. I once thought of it almost as a weakness.
[ well - he laughs, at first, grinning that roguish grin of his that implies he will absolutely not stop calling his brain that anytime soon, mostly because it always gets a good reaction, but.
... the second bit is a little more surprising, though. it's no secret to almost anyone after a single conversation that he loves hard. he feels hard - wears his emotions splashed across his chest like the colors that run this prism. he's never been good at hiding it, and especially at this point in his life, he doesn't try. it is something of a weakness, maybe, because it can lead him to lash out, to act irrationally, to do stupid things like fight raishaun in a cave that nearly kills them all, like sacrificing his soul to save - someone, someone important, like running headfirst into a battle with no care in the world except for protecting other people.
but, after all the life he's lived, it's not something he'd trade, either. it makes it a little more special to hear a phrase like that from someone like emet, like hades, far more reserved about his emotions, and the gremlin smile turns to a softer one.
he reaches for his hand, without any trouble, and laces their fingers. ] Glad to hear it. [ a bit more playfully; ] No promises on the first thing.
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He has worked too hard here for this.
[his fingers curl into the blankets.]
I-- for some reason I feel as if it was not so troubling to me if he were dead, but to not exist-
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...how much did Riff tell you?
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[ over and over? that that entire burden has been left on his shoulders, manipulated by someone else? ]
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Even so, if he could not accomplish it alone, this does not mean naught can be done now. If we can manage to escape this place then mayhap we can do more.
[or, at least, he wants to think so. he doesn't want to consider bass, who he's grown this close to, returning home to erasure after everything.]
They do not deserve this.
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vax's expression shifts a little - crumples, just a bit, brows knitting together, and he looks away. ]
... Hades. [ the real name, this time, not the title, not flirtatious or silly - utterly serious, if affected. ] I can't do that.
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[whatever caused this, however it happened-- it's not right. he doesn't know why he's so certain a soul should remain intact, but it should, he knows it.]
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[ that's what it means to be the champion of the raven queen. fate can be bent, but it cannot be broken. rindo's attempts to change it might have just been what did it in - one too many times tugging at the strings. those who pridefully cast off destiny must be punished. fate has a way of doing that, cruel as it is.
no matter how much he wants to change it. (like sometimes, how he'd like to run from his own death, still, run back to vox machina, to keyleth, to - to someone, someone important) - no matter how much he'd like to throw it out and do it again, no matter how much he wants to grab bass and riff both and rescue them from the hellscape of their lives, or deaths - ]
From what I know of that Game that they've been forced to play - maybe, maybe, there's something there. Above their heads. But that's it.
[ so maybe that's something. but it's not his world, and, frankly, he doesn't know how the raven queen would feel about intervening on an entire other universe.
...
his voice softens a little. there's hurt, there. ]. ...If something changes there, that has to be - that has to be Riff's choice. Rindo's. Not ours. To intervene would be going against everything She asks of me - and trying to mess with it might be what made it worse in the first place.
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[he pushes himself up off the bed, with a frustrated huff.]
They were brought here. Pulled out of that world for a time, away from that situation. Who is to say that, if a way may be found here-- that they were not destined to find help to fix it? If it should turn out that a way exists, then to be somewhere it is possible... surely that would mean something, surely it will merely prove an impossibility otherwise.
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[ there's frustration there, too. but it's not like things like that don't exist, in his realm. modify memory. disintegrate. plenty of ways to erase a person's existence, if thats' what you wanted to do. if you tried hard enough. plenty of ways to stop their soul from moving on.
...
that's part of what he deals in, too, but... vax is still to knew to know what her guidance would be. what he feels intuitively and what he's been told, over the years that he's been connected to the raven queen by that golden thread, it doesn't feel right. ]
Do you think I fucking want to just leave it? Of course I don't. [ he cares so much about those two, after all. has taken them both under his wing just as much as emet has. ] That doesn't mean that we can just make choices for them - that we can fuck with something like that. Riff has to decide if that's what he wants. Bass has to decide. We can't just intervene like it's our realm - yours or mine. Death in my world works different than yours. It might be different in theirs, too.
That kind of thinking's a bad path, Hades. You told me that yourself. [ weeks and weeks ago. he can remember - the memory they shared with perfect clarity, the time traveling stranger bearing his friend's soul, and the inevitability that they carried. ]
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[his brow furrows, there. did he really-
but he feels, still, that he cannot abide this.]
... regardless, of course they ought not be excluded from this. I've already told them both I intend to seek a way, but should one be found, then-- if they were to reject it....
[he exhales, slowly.]
It is their life. Their home. I would not force it on them then.
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he - doesn't say anything about it, tensing a little further and shutting his mouth, but, lets emet finish.
... and slowly, towards the end, vax exhales, some of that tension loosening. ]
... Alright. [ that, that he can agree to. for now, at least, that's okay.
(truthfully, vax doesn't think there will be a way. and when things get back to normal, if they find one - it's going to be one he'll have to intervene to stop. no matter who it is, or what it is, because death just doesn't discriminate. it doesn't pick and choose based on how loved you are. most places aren't so utopian like emet's homeland; vax doubts that riff and bass's world is any different.)
vaxildan reaches up, scrubbing a hand over his face, and then drags it back down, leaning back and letting his head thunk against the wall. ] Shite. Don't just go running off headfirst into trouble. That's supposed to be my thing.
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[he huffs, mildly offended. excuse the fuck out of you, what trouble!]
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he thinks for a minute that this is the real difference between people like himself and people like percy and emet - that they plan their rushing in instead of just doing it, but does not say that out loud.
instead, he just huffs a little, pushing off of the wall and coming back over towards him. ]
I know, I know. [ it's just... hard, not to get his hackles up, in a situation like that. vax can't condone it, really, but... he won't be the one to stop it, either. not until he gets back, until he gets into communion with the raven queen again - she might not even care, because it's in a different realm, she might not even stop him, if he wanted to help.
... that's something to think about later, for now. vax shakes his head, dropping back down to sit. ] That love of yours. 's what it is.
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...emet-selch opts not to dwell on it.]
I-- I suppose that may have something to do with it, yes, we needn't dwell on it.
[stop calling him out stoppp it's like dealing with a fucking verdant]
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the stutter of that is kind of cute. it pulls a smile to vax's face unbidden; he hums and leans over, pressing a fingertip against his chest over his heart. ]
Think that has everything to do with it. [ he's already on a roll here, so; ] I do like that big sexy brain of yours, but I love this more. [ with a little poke at his heart again. hehe. ]
1/2
he flushes at that, a little at a loss for words in the immediate moments afterward.]
I must ask you to stop calling my brain sexy, it is a thoroughly strange compliment.
[of course he's like this.]
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already he'd decided to go as far as he could this week. he'd decided to at least try to listen to bass's words from before, that had led him to agreeing to all of this in the first place. started him on this path.]
You've even more capacity for it than I, you realize, in that heart of yours. I once thought of it almost as a weakness.
[one more pause follows. it's-- it's still hard.]
...but I do think that I love that, as well.
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... the second bit is a little more surprising, though. it's no secret to almost anyone after a single conversation that he loves hard. he feels hard - wears his emotions splashed across his chest like the colors that run this prism. he's never been good at hiding it, and especially at this point in his life, he doesn't try. it is something of a weakness, maybe, because it can lead him to lash out, to act irrationally, to do stupid things like fight raishaun in a cave that nearly kills them all, like sacrificing his soul to save - someone, someone important, like running headfirst into a battle with no care in the world except for protecting other people.
but, after all the life he's lived, it's not something he'd trade, either. it makes it a little more special to hear a phrase like that from someone like emet, like hades, far more reserved about his emotions, and the gremlin smile turns to a softer one.
he reaches for his hand, without any trouble, and laces their fingers. ] Glad to hear it. [ a bit more playfully; ] No promises on the first thing.