[ despite vax's everything, he's a pretty good listener. and he doesn't seem to mind the distance at all, letting him sit close.
he can't imagine a life never wanting - that's beyond his purview - but it makes sense for buzen, at least. he's quiet for a moment longer, reflective, playing with the feather still tucked in his own hair. ]
... That's the tricky shit with magic like that. That's what it felt like to me, like I was being Charmed.
[ something that vax has unfortunately fallen victim to too many times.
he looks up, away from buzen. ] ...One time, I was charmed and attacked my sister. [ his sister, his other half, his heart. ] It turns you into something you aren't, at the whims of someone else, and there's fuckall you can do about it.
It's a shitty feeling for a human, too. [ or at least a half one. ] So you're in good company. You didn't want to, yeah? Someone - the Prism, or what the fuck ever - made you feel that way.
[ . . . buzen is thoughtful at that, but he does reach out to put a hand on vax's shoulder, squeezing once when he speaks of being charmed. he won't assume, and he won't linger, but he also never feels quite right leaving people alone]
You must be angry.
[is buzen angry? that's harder to say, maybe something closer to disconcerted. but he understands vax's feelings too.]
I don't like the idea of it - that there's something out there that can make a person feel.... less like themselves. It's like tampering with who they are.
...maybe. [ he reaches up for a moment and scrubs his hand over his face. it's not an unusual feeling, unfortunately. it's just one that fucking sucks. vax doesn't shrug off the shoulder squeeze, though, letting it happen. what a good soft boy. ]
Iunno if that's what I'm really angry about. 's not like its the first time.
[ and... frankly vex isn't here. he would feel bad about attacking anyone, but, with vexahlia not around, at least that sort of anger won't lash out at her. ]
You're right, though. [ mm. another pause. ] Must be especially weird for you, yeah? Is that why you passed your sword off?
Even if it's not the first time, that doesn't make it any better. If anything, it makes it worse. I think you're a good person, Vax-san. I always want you to be you.
[ . . . but at the mention of it being him,]
No. I passed my sword off so I couldn't hurt anyone. It would be way too easy. [he's pretty confident in his strength, no matter who else is around here] At least if it was just my fists, I think people would have a chance to break me first.
Oi, you barely know me yet. [ gross this sincerity!!! gross!!! he's embarrassed. he gives buzen a jostle with his closest hand, though it's lacking any sort of heat.
let's focus on that! the fists and swords bit. that's a little easier. ] But that makes sense. The effects don't linger, at least.
[ the. charmed ones. he knows the emotional effects do. the guilt of harming someone close to you is much harder to shake - they're pretty lucky they were able to shake it off when they did. ]
[??????? he takes the jostle with a little bit of a laugh, though he's clearly confused.]
Do I have to know more about you to like you?
[ . . . but he nods at that.]
Right. I haven't felt anything since we left the mansion. But I was worried for a bit there... I don't want to be forced to hurt anyone.
[he's not really someone who gets the luxury to say 'i don't want to hurt anyone' because sometimes situations arise and he will - but he just got this heart. he doesn't want anyone to mess with it.]
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he can't imagine a life never wanting - that's beyond his purview - but it makes sense for buzen, at least. he's quiet for a moment longer, reflective, playing with the feather still tucked in his own hair. ]
... That's the tricky shit with magic like that. That's what it felt like to me, like I was being Charmed.
[ something that vax has unfortunately fallen victim to too many times.
he looks up, away from buzen. ] ...One time, I was charmed and attacked my sister. [ his sister, his other half, his heart. ] It turns you into something you aren't, at the whims of someone else, and there's fuckall you can do about it.
It's a shitty feeling for a human, too. [ or at least a half one. ] So you're in good company. You didn't want to, yeah? Someone - the Prism, or what the fuck ever - made you feel that way.
no subject
You must be angry.
[is buzen angry? that's harder to say, maybe something closer to disconcerted. but he understands vax's feelings too.]
I don't like the idea of it - that there's something out there that can make a person feel.... less like themselves. It's like tampering with who they are.
no subject
Iunno if that's what I'm really angry about. 's not like its the first time.
[ and... frankly vex isn't here. he would feel bad about attacking anyone, but, with vexahlia not around, at least that sort of anger won't lash out at her. ]
You're right, though. [ mm. another pause. ] Must be especially weird for you, yeah? Is that why you passed your sword off?
no subject
Even if it's not the first time, that doesn't make it any better. If anything, it makes it worse. I think you're a good person, Vax-san. I always want you to be you.
[ . . . but at the mention of it being him,]
No. I passed my sword off so I couldn't hurt anyone. It would be way too easy. [he's pretty confident in his strength, no matter who else is around here] At least if it was just my fists, I think people would have a chance to break me first.
no subject
Oi, you barely know me yet. [ gross this sincerity!!! gross!!! he's embarrassed. he gives buzen a jostle with his closest hand, though it's lacking any sort of heat.
let's focus on that! the fists and swords bit. that's a little easier. ] But that makes sense. The effects don't linger, at least.
[ the. charmed ones. he knows the emotional effects do. the guilt of harming someone close to you is much harder to shake - they're pretty lucky they were able to shake it off when they did. ]
no subject
Do I have to know more about you to like you?
[ . . . but he nods at that.]
Right. I haven't felt anything since we left the mansion. But I was worried for a bit there... I don't want to be forced to hurt anyone.
[he's not really someone who gets the luxury to say 'i don't want to hurt anyone' because sometimes situations arise and he will - but he just got this heart. he doesn't want anyone to mess with it.]