No. [ vax huffs a laugh. ] That was - fuck. Years ago, now.
[ even though it feels like yesterday. ] I've died a couple times since then. Got resurrected. Always saw her, but the time wasn't right. Fucking good, then. I didn't want to go.
...The Raven Queen only came to call on me right before I came here. The last thing I remember... [ vax shifts a little where he's propped, now, and his voice softens. this is still - this is still unbelievably emotional. it still hurts. just when he'd accepted his position, after struggle and struggle and struggle, after running and dodging it, terrified of his fate...
... he'd accepted death, and woke up here, with percival not far away. funny how you can climb all the stages of grief and fall right back down the stairs. ]
... Last thing I remember is that I got to say goodbye.
[ . . . . it's hard for him to wrap his head around.
the one true thing about humans is that they're meant to die. if they don't, and they don't meet their end at the right time and the right place, everything can go wrong. what a world is it then, if vax can die and be resurrected countless times, and then it still gets to keep spinning?
... If you'd asked me that a few years ago, I would've done anything to fight it.
[ finally, he tilts his head, turning to look at buzen properly. for a moment, he seems older than he really is. tired. it's in ways like this that the 'marine' color really fits him, the way sadness seems to stick to him like a cloak.
...but there's a quiet acceptance in his face, too. ]
But now... no. I accepted it - it was worth it. We made it so a lot of fucking people can live in peace, my sister included, and... the Raven Queen gave me more time than she probably should've, anyway. I know her, now.
... I don't know if that feeling - where there is someone that you want to meet - will ever go away.
[ . . . . ]
I'm not in a position where I get to say that I hope you decide to fight for it, even though I hope that you enjoyed the time you did have. [humans are meant to die, humans are meant to die, humans will always be different from swords for this reason alone. their lives are fleeting, but beautiful] But... I hope that one day, when it's right, you'll get to meet again.
[and that it feels like puzzles pieces fitting together, like the world back on its axis, like those were the hands you've been wanting to hold for however long]
I'm glad you here, Vax-san. If only so we could get a chance to meet you.
[ ... the sort of sadness softens there, just a little - the corner of his mouth lifts up, in a small, wry smile. ]
...yeah? Glad I met you, too.
[ this weird little sword spirit who he's become very fond of.
... actually, that brings up something interesting, and - if he has to think around the time that he had, it might be too much. it still feels so heavy, and with percy right there, a wound that had finally been sutured shut reopened again, and he can't handle it. ]
Maybe we'd get to meet someday again. Or... maybe not. Sword spirits don't just... die, do you?
[ fucking great hot tub conversation, vaxildan. 10/10 ]
We break. If my blade is ever shattered, then this form will also die. I don't know if we go to the same place that humans do. It'd be nice if we went somewhere.
But... well, Buzen Gou is a sword that's not sure to exist in history.
So who knows where I'll be? Maybe I just suddenly won't be anywhere at all.
[ . . . . he laughs a little bit at that - and there is a genuine amusement to the noise, but... something else.]
I'd like that!
[ . . . ]
I think that as long as someone remembers you, then you exist. So if anything, my chances are increasing since I've gotten to be here and talk to so many of you. Wouldn't that be funny? If Buzen Gou were to exist in other worlds besides my own.
It's just... tsukumogami are normally created from swords that are at least a hundred years old. Many of them are swords with famous masters and great feats attached to them. They're passed down as treasures, brought into museums, and treated with reverence.
But... Buzen Gou, the sword, has never really been seen. No one knows where it is. Maybe it's because I'm so fast? [a quirk of his lip - he always introduces himself that way. a blade so fast it's never been seen. or maybe it's because... there was nothing to see in the first place?] So... it's hard to say whether or not I truly exist, or if I'm real at all.
And once my war is over, and humanity is safe... and I no longer have this body - I wonder what'll happen then?
[if there is no one left to remember him in the world, and he is nowhere to be found?
this is a very sad story, actually. still propped on his arm, vax listens, head tilted and turned to the side - attentive, brows creased together, mouth pulled into a frown. so, buzen is an enigma, huh. a mystery.
he smiles a little at the joke, but, it doesn't quite reach his eyes, either. ]
... fuck, that sucks. [ it does. it sucks a lot! he's maybe not the most eloquent. ]
...'s like you said, though. All of us know you. [ remember you. memory is such an important, tender little concept for vax right now - caught somewhere between "don't forget me now that i'm gone" and "forget that i existed while i watch over you" - that it touches somewhere fresh. ] Sounds like we need to find you.
People - humans, elves, fucking Goliaths, whatever - people are always fighting. I don't think anyone anywhere's ever just 'safe'.
What happens if shit stirs back up again, after you all take care of whatever it is? Gonna have to show back up? Maybe one of us'll call on you to help - I don't know, save their candy people or whoever.
You're not gonna disappear. [ not if the people in this shitty place can help it. ]
[buzen's voice is soft, but certain as he reaches a hand out to touch vax's arm. a connection, something certain he can hold onto with this solid, almost human touch. to get his attention, and maybe to reassure him]
I don't mind if I go.
[he's been wondering how much to say - but it seems his comrades have beat him to it in some spots, so he goes on to explain:] This body was summoned by my master, so that we could protect history in a war against those who want to change it. When our job is done, we don't know what will happen to these bodies - but I imagine there won't be any more need for us.
... But I want the war to be over, because it will mean that we have protected what we were meant to protect. That's my purpose as a weapon. I'm not selfish enough to put others in danger, just to exist.
[perhaps that was what made the hatred so foreign to him. buzen gou exists for others. the idea of killing them to protect himself for petty reasons? it's as opposed to his core as you can get.
so he will protect this history, even if he may not truly exist in it. it is still worth it, to him.]
... but thank you. For thinking I could be worth it. People like you... make me really glad I got to be here at all.
[ me so busy with cyoa that i didnt get to tag this beautiful tag back until now
"i don't mind if i go."
he's quiet for a moment, letting buzen's word sink in - letting him touch his arm, if he likes. it's a beautiful story - the idea of protecting others long enough to save them, when your time is up. and... it's a familiar one, too.
so, his smile is genuine - soft, muted, but genuine - as he glances away from the hand on his arm and back over at buzen. ]
Seems like we're a bunch of assholes - but if you're glad, I'm glad, too.
[ the words echo in his head, again. i don't mind if i go. ]
... Someone'll guide you to where you need to be, when it's all said and done. Whether that's to rest in peace, or to some kind of afterlife or to nothing. Somebody'll be around.
[ vax lifts his hand, briefly - and touches his chest, where a set of dark, raven wings rest near his heart. ] Dunno how the fuck all that works across worlds, or whatever, but I wouldn't mind it to be me.
[ sometimes you are just the acting grim reaper sort of
[buzen nods at that - satisfied. for some reason, he felt rather certain that vax would be able to understand. the idea that you will live out your purpose for others and then, at some point, that time will be up.
and that's okay. it really is.]
Somebody, huh... [it makes him smile a little bit] I'd like it then, if it was you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he doesn't seem to mind the little squeeze, but definitely seems far off for a moment, gazing past him. ]
...My sister died in the tomb of the Raven Queen. Goddess of death. I promised myself to her if she would bring Vex'ahlia back.
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[ even though it feels like yesterday. ] I've died a couple times since then. Got resurrected. Always saw her, but the time wasn't right. Fucking good, then. I didn't want to go.
...The Raven Queen only came to call on me right before I came here. The last thing I remember... [ vax shifts a little where he's propped, now, and his voice softens. this is still - this is still unbelievably emotional. it still hurts. just when he'd accepted his position, after struggle and struggle and struggle, after running and dodging it, terrified of his fate...
... he'd accepted death, and woke up here, with percival not far away. funny how you can climb all the stages of grief and fall right back down the stairs. ]
... Last thing I remember is that I got to say goodbye.
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the one true thing about humans is that they're meant to die. if they don't, and they don't meet their end at the right time and the right place, everything can go wrong. what a world is it then, if vax can die and be resurrected countless times, and then it still gets to keep spinning?
. . . ]
Do you think that's the end for you?
Or would you fight it, if you could?
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[ finally, he tilts his head, turning to look at buzen properly. for a moment, he seems older than he really is. tired. it's in ways like this that the 'marine' color really fits him, the way sadness seems to stick to him like a cloak.
...but there's a quiet acceptance in his face, too. ]
But now... no. I accepted it - it was worth it. We made it so a lot of fucking people can live in peace, my sister included, and... the Raven Queen gave me more time than she probably should've, anyway. I know her, now.
[ a longer pause. ]
...But I miss Vex'ahlia already.
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[ . . . . ]
I'm not in a position where I get to say that I hope you decide to fight for it, even though I hope that you enjoyed the time you did have. [humans are meant to die, humans are meant to die, humans will always be different from swords for this reason alone. their lives are fleeting, but beautiful] But... I hope that one day, when it's right, you'll get to meet again.
[and that it feels like puzzles pieces fitting together, like the world back on its axis, like those were the hands you've been wanting to hold for however long]
I'm glad you here, Vax-san. If only so we could get a chance to meet you.
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...yeah? Glad I met you, too.
[ this weird little sword spirit who he's become very fond of.
... actually, that brings up something interesting, and - if he has to think around the time that he had, it might be too much. it still feels so heavy, and with percy right there, a wound that had finally been sutured shut reopened again, and he can't handle it. ]
Maybe we'd get to meet someday again. Or... maybe not. Sword spirits don't just... die, do you?
[ fucking great hot tub conversation, vaxildan. 10/10 ]
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We break. If my blade is ever shattered, then this form will also die. I don't know if we go to the same place that humans do. It'd be nice if we went somewhere.
But... well, Buzen Gou is a sword that's not sure to exist in history.
So who knows where I'll be? Maybe I just suddenly won't be anywhere at all.
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well. ]
Well. Right now, even though I'm dead, I'll be the Raven Queen's champion. So I don't exist, but I do exist. Sort of.
[ he reaches over and nudges gently at buzen's arm. ] So. You're in good company. Me and you in limbo for fuckall knows how long, huh?
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I'd like that!
[ . . . ]
I think that as long as someone remembers you, then you exist. So if anything, my chances are increasing since I've gotten to be here and talk to so many of you. Wouldn't that be funny? If Buzen Gou were to exist in other worlds besides my own.
It's just... tsukumogami are normally created from swords that are at least a hundred years old. Many of them are swords with famous masters and great feats attached to them. They're passed down as treasures, brought into museums, and treated with reverence.
But... Buzen Gou, the sword, has never really been seen. No one knows where it is. Maybe it's because I'm so fast? [a quirk of his lip - he always introduces himself that way. a blade so fast it's never been seen. or maybe it's because... there was nothing to see in the first place?] So... it's hard to say whether or not I truly exist, or if I'm real at all.
And once my war is over, and humanity is safe... and I no longer have this body - I wonder what'll happen then?
[if there is no one left to remember him in the world, and he is nowhere to be found?
could anyone prove he was there at all?]
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this is a very sad story, actually. still propped on his arm, vax listens, head tilted and turned to the side - attentive, brows creased together, mouth pulled into a frown. so, buzen is an enigma, huh. a mystery.
he smiles a little at the joke, but, it doesn't quite reach his eyes, either. ]
... fuck, that sucks. [ it does. it sucks a lot! he's maybe not the most eloquent. ]
...'s like you said, though. All of us know you. [ remember you. memory is such an important, tender little concept for vax right now - caught somewhere between "don't forget me now that i'm gone" and "forget that i existed while i watch over you" - that it touches somewhere fresh. ] Sounds like we need to find you.
People - humans, elves, fucking Goliaths, whatever - people are always fighting. I don't think anyone anywhere's ever just 'safe'.
What happens if shit stirs back up again, after you all take care of whatever it is? Gonna have to show back up? Maybe one of us'll call on you to help - I don't know, save their candy people or whoever.
You're not gonna disappear. [ not if the people in this shitty place can help it. ]
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[buzen's voice is soft, but certain as he reaches a hand out to touch vax's arm. a connection, something certain he can hold onto with this solid, almost human touch. to get his attention, and maybe to reassure him]
I don't mind if I go.
[he's been wondering how much to say - but it seems his comrades have beat him to it in some spots, so he goes on to explain:] This body was summoned by my master, so that we could protect history in a war against those who want to change it. When our job is done, we don't know what will happen to these bodies - but I imagine there won't be any more need for us.
... But I want the war to be over, because it will mean that we have protected what we were meant to protect. That's my purpose as a weapon. I'm not selfish enough to put others in danger, just to exist.
[perhaps that was what made the hatred so foreign to him. buzen gou exists for others. the idea of killing them to protect himself for petty reasons? it's as opposed to his core as you can get.
so he will protect this history, even if he may not truly exist in it. it is still worth it, to him.]
... but thank you. For thinking I could be worth it. People like you... make me really glad I got to be here at all.
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"i don't mind if i go."
he's quiet for a moment, letting buzen's word sink in - letting him touch his arm, if he likes. it's a beautiful story - the idea of protecting others long enough to save them, when your time is up. and... it's a familiar one, too.
so, his smile is genuine - soft, muted, but genuine - as he glances away from the hand on his arm and back over at buzen. ]
Seems like we're a bunch of assholes - but if you're glad, I'm glad, too.
[ the words echo in his head, again. i don't mind if i go. ]
... Someone'll guide you to where you need to be, when it's all said and done. Whether that's to rest in peace, or to some kind of afterlife or to nothing. Somebody'll be around.
[ vax lifts his hand, briefly - and touches his chest, where a set of dark, raven wings rest near his heart. ] Dunno how the fuck all that works across worlds, or whatever, but I wouldn't mind it to be me.
[ sometimes you are just the acting grim reaper sort of
its cool ]
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and that's okay. it really is.]
Somebody, huh... [it makes him smile a little bit] I'd like it then, if it was you.
Let's meet again, at the end of everything.