[she pulls the blanket bass gave her more tightly around herself, wincing a little at the movement.]
I didn't... know they were there. And then, they... arrived... just after I succumbed to... [she shakes her head] ...it made a monster of me again, and I hurt them...
... well, that's hateful. vax's heart twists in his chest - he's not hiding it, at least, so there're no flower petals. instead, he just shakes his head, reaching down to very carefully tuck the blanket. ]
...I've been there before. [ softer. ] It's not your fault.
he shifts a little, quietly setting his hands together to create something - an amber feather. ]
... I attacked my sister when I was charmed, once. ... Some dick compelled me using magic. I fought her like I was going to kill her. I almost did.
[ he can still remember parts of it, just snatches. he remembers vex sobbing in his face as she hit him, when he came back to clarity, maybe most of all.
... vax leans over and tucks the feather very gently in jiuqing's hair. ]
... She forgave me, told me it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't shake it. Still think about it, sometimes. But... it didn't change anything. Didn't make my sister love me any less, and... sure as shit didn't make me love her any less, either.
she visibly calms a little when he tucks the feather into her hair, and she settles a little, listening to him speak as she breathes out.]
...attacking them would never change the way I feel about them. [and - since she's a little calmer, she can admit this.] But... I hurt them badly. If they hold that against me, I can't blame them for it.
i keep forgetting this because it wasn't an injury that can be in the pod but. since vax put a feather in her hair earlier he would realistically have noticed this. her hair is sort of choppy in places - it's sort of a bird's nest, tangled up and in disarray, with some parts at the back that have been cut off messily. the fronts and sides of her hair are fine, though.
it's maybe a little difficult to see because she's tried to tie it up, but. he worked with her hair! so.]
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[she pulls the blanket bass gave her more tightly around herself, wincing a little at the movement.]
I didn't... know they were there. And then, they... arrived... just after I succumbed to... [she shakes her head] ...it made a monster of me again, and I hurt them...
no subject
... well, that's hateful. vax's heart twists in his chest - he's not hiding it, at least, so there're no flower petals. instead, he just shakes his head, reaching down to very carefully tuck the blanket. ]
...I've been there before. [ softer. ] It's not your fault.
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[she doesn't look up]
...it feels like it is.
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[ ...
he shifts a little, quietly setting his hands together to create something - an amber feather. ]
... I attacked my sister when I was charmed, once. ... Some dick compelled me using magic. I fought her like I was going to kill her. I almost did.
[ he can still remember parts of it, just snatches. he remembers vex sobbing in his face as she hit him, when he came back to clarity, maybe most of all.
... vax leans over and tucks the feather very gently in jiuqing's hair. ]
... She forgave me, told me it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't shake it. Still think about it, sometimes. But... it didn't change anything. Didn't make my sister love me any less, and... sure as shit didn't make me love her any less, either.
no subject
she visibly calms a little when he tucks the feather into her hair, and she settles a little, listening to him speak as she breathes out.]
...attacking them would never change the way I feel about them. [and - since she's a little calmer, she can admit this.] But... I hurt them badly. If they hold that against me, I can't blame them for it.
I just... I want them to be okay.
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They won't. They... well. Both of them at first - when I was talking to them, they didn't even know it was you.
[ so there's that. also they match now! feather buddies. ]
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[she nods]
...we were separated for most of it. And when our paths crossed, I was already...
[...]
So, it makes sense that they didn't know I was there.
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[ it's a quiet, agreeing noise. he pulls back a little, reaching up to rub at his mouth. ]
...tell you the same thing I told Vin. 's over, now. Even if it lingers, you all made it back. That's what matters.
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i keep forgetting this because it wasn't an injury that can be in the pod but. since vax put a feather in her hair earlier he would realistically have noticed this. her hair is sort of choppy in places - it's sort of a bird's nest, tangled up and in disarray, with some parts at the back that have been cut off messily. the fronts and sides of her hair are fine, though.
it's maybe a little difficult to see because she's tried to tie it up, but. he worked with her hair! so.]
...yes. We made it back to all of you.