[ a macabre text pings into vax's inbox. every swirling drop of memory that has hit him these past few days.
it's a lot.
it's a reminder. a weight. he doesn't care that the gun went into the acid. he doesn't care that orthax had latched itself so hungrily to anna ripley in his stead. he doesn't care. he is still, at his core, something so weak to all of this that he— ]
[ well. vax will stand there for a bit before it opens. he stares at vax, or perhaps it's more through than directly at before he finds his eyes and lets him in. ]
A simple text would have done the trick, Vax'ildan.
[ it's brusque, but in the way that vax is - loaded with emotion and care and knowing, too. he knows what could've gotten percy into a mood like this, because it's been happening to him too.
he turns to face percy pretty much the second they're both in the apartment, shoulders square, and says - ] The fuck is wrong with you? [ it's a rhetorical question, because, well, they both know the basic this-place-is-feeding-me-my-memories, and more so a sense of the meaning of such a request. ]
It's not going to happen. [ and before percy gets to cut him off, he raises a hand, taking a step forward, half caging, half keeping him from escaping. ] Whatever, whatever you're about to tell me, about being pragmatic, I don't want to fucking hear it. I know. I know, alright? You don't have to lecture me.
You say it's not going to happen, Vax, but what if it does.
[ he's caged, vax has him somewhere and he can't just dramatically walk off to go stand elsewhere in this apartment. instead, he's standing here, trying to avoid vax's eyes. he thinks about it—everything jiuqing saw, ruby... and his knuckles go white. it's rare that percy is gloveless, but it seems he's found some strange solace here in crystalline, among people with strangely pragmatic minds who are clever and don't ask questions when they don't need to be asked.
eventually, he looks at him. ]
I don't want it to happen, Vax. But I'm telling you.
If it does.
[ he grabs his wrist and puts it precisely where it needs to go.
on his neck. ]
I want it. To be you. I only trust it. To be you. Do you understand? It cannot be anyone else. Not the Prism. Not our friends.
If... if it happens. If. Maybe it won't. Maybe I've nothing to fear, but...
this is not an unusual situation. this isn't even the first time they've had this conversation, or one similar to it. don't trust me. he'd said, then - i don't, and percy had been glad for that answer, and vax could tell. talking to him like this makes his hackles rise, makes something twist in his gut close to anxiety.
he lets percy manhandle him, lets him pull his hand to his neck, and just stares at him, expression unreadable for a moment as ten different emotions flicker across his eyes, from under his furrowed brow. he thinks, it won't, i won't let it, stubbornly, but -
he does know, pragmatically, that this was where this was going to end up. that this is what he would ask of vax, someone who is more well versed than life and death in anyone, someone who does, get to choose sometimes, when people have to die. someone who has looked percy in the eyes when orthax took him over, who was there when they resurrected him and keyleth ripped the demon's soul from the gun.
( he remembers, with stunning, horrifying clarity, the sound of a gunshot, and a body hitting the floor, seconds before his last breath left his lungs. the look on percy's face. terror. horror. you failed him and he killed himself.)
vax is silent for a long, long moment. ]
Percival. [ he starts, that same, intense tone; vax's fingers flex, at the base of his neck. the pause continues, searching percy's face.
he spits it out. ] Fine.
[ the tone says it all. he hates it, but he would.
vax's hand twists under percy's, and he turns it to press against the crook of his shoulder and his neck, instead, and squeezes. ] If. If, and that's a big fucking if.
Alright? Just -
[ i have to protect you.
his penchant for forgiveness with his sister's welfare, after all, is just as thin, and vax loves percy like a brother, but his heart beats for his sister, and when they return, percival is all she has left. ]
-- just remember, you're not alone. If you start falling that way, you have to let me in.
[ there's so much that goes unsaid here, but for now, the both of them will have to sort it out like this - through subtext, through a lack of conflict, through an intense conversation like this. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w3, tuesday evening
it's a lot.
it's a reminder. a weight. he doesn't care that the gun went into the acid. he doesn't care that orthax had latched itself so hungrily to anna ripley in his stead. he doesn't care. he is still, at his core, something so weak to all of this that he— ]
I've decided.
If it comes down to it.
I want it to be you.
no subject
[ message seen: XX:XX PM ]
[ this time it's not a missing person, thankfully.
because it is maybe five minutes later that there's a knock - an actual knock - on the crystalline apartment door. ]
no subject
A simple text would have done the trick, Vax'ildan.
no subject
[ it's brusque, but in the way that vax is - loaded with emotion and care and knowing, too. he knows what could've gotten percy into a mood like this, because it's been happening to him too.
he turns to face percy pretty much the second they're both in the apartment, shoulders square, and says - ] The fuck is wrong with you? [ it's a rhetorical question, because, well, they both know the basic this-place-is-feeding-me-my-memories, and more so a sense of the meaning of such a request. ]
It's not going to happen. [ and before percy gets to cut him off, he raises a hand, taking a step forward, half caging, half keeping him from escaping. ] Whatever, whatever you're about to tell me, about being pragmatic, I don't want to fucking hear it. I know. I know, alright? You don't have to lecture me.
It's not going to happen.
no subject
[ he's caged, vax has him somewhere and he can't just dramatically walk off to go stand elsewhere in this apartment. instead, he's standing here, trying to avoid vax's eyes. he thinks about it—everything jiuqing saw, ruby... and his knuckles go white. it's rare that percy is gloveless, but it seems he's found some strange solace here in crystalline, among people with strangely pragmatic minds who are clever and don't ask questions when they don't need to be asked.
eventually, he looks at him. ]
I don't want it to happen, Vax. But I'm telling you.
If it does.
[ he grabs his wrist and puts it precisely where it needs to go.
on his neck. ]
I want it. To be you. I only trust it. To be you. Do you understand? It cannot be anyone else. Not the Prism. Not our friends.
If... if it happens. If. Maybe it won't. Maybe I've nothing to fear, but...
It must be you.
no subject
this is not an unusual situation. this isn't even the first time they've had this conversation, or one similar to it. don't trust me. he'd said, then - i don't, and percy had been glad for that answer, and vax could tell. talking to him like this makes his hackles rise, makes something twist in his gut close to anxiety.
he lets percy manhandle him, lets him pull his hand to his neck, and just stares at him, expression unreadable for a moment as ten different emotions flicker across his eyes, from under his furrowed brow. he thinks, it won't, i won't let it, stubbornly, but -
he does know, pragmatically, that this was where this was going to end up. that this is what he would ask of vax, someone who is more well versed than life and death in anyone, someone who does, get to choose sometimes, when people have to die. someone who has looked percy in the eyes when orthax took him over, who was there when they resurrected him and keyleth ripped the demon's soul from the gun.
( he remembers, with stunning, horrifying clarity, the sound of a gunshot, and a body hitting the floor, seconds before his last breath left his lungs. the look on percy's face. terror. horror. you failed him and he killed himself.)
vax is silent for a long, long moment. ]
Percival. [ he starts, that same, intense tone; vax's fingers flex, at the base of his neck. the pause continues, searching percy's face.
he spits it out. ] Fine.
[ the tone says it all. he hates it, but he would.
vax's hand twists under percy's, and he turns it to press against the crook of his shoulder and his neck, instead, and squeezes. ] If. If, and that's a big fucking if.
Alright? Just -
[ i have to protect you.
his penchant for forgiveness with his sister's welfare, after all, is just as thin, and vax loves percy like a brother, but his heart beats for his sister, and when they return, percival is all she has left. ]
-- just remember, you're not alone. If you start falling that way, you have to let me in.
[ there's so much that goes unsaid here, but for now, the both of them will have to sort it out like this - through subtext, through a lack of conflict, through an intense conversation like this. ]